My (New) New York

They say you aren't truly a New Yorker until you've lived here consecutively for ten years. Bump them. I've been here a little over a week and I'd like to think I'm already a New Yorker. I have yet to master the subway, I forget to close my curtains sometimes and I still walk around in awe as a tourist would, but who cares? I'm an explorer.

And my apartment--OUR apartment--is the best thing since sliced bread. My roommate and I lucked out in getting a newly renovated place with all new furnishings. Unfortunately, that also meant we were without a kitchen sink and cabinets for almost a week. It was tragic. All those meals I had imagined myself cooking had to be put on hold. The horror. Yet, somehow, I managed.

For making this move alone to a brand new city, I have been called brave. I have been called crazy. I have been called amazing. In reality, I am probably a bit of all three, with an emphasis on the crazy. Let’s face it: I’m a southern country gal. There are farms and llamas and dirt roads in Louisa, Va., where I’m from. We just got a Wal-Mart. Our biggest attractions are Lake Anna and our Friday night football games in The Jungle. This is a big change for me. My parents are worried sick and in constant prayer. And so am I. 

On my first full day as a New York resident, my father texted to ask if I was yet homesick. I told him I wasn’t, which was and is true. But as the week progressed, I learned that the city can be quite lonely. At times, I felt so small in this immensely populated and big place. New York City is my ocean, and I believe I will always feel small standing beside it. I have certainly found my comfort zone and vow to stay out of it in exploration of something more. 

In my first week, I noticed quite a few things. For starters, New Yorkers stare. And not just the creeps you see hanging out in dark alleys (not that I've ever been in any other than in my nightmares), but even the fairly normal-looking people. It may be because I have a smiling problem and they don't. New Yorkers don’t smile enough, so naturally they’re surprised when I smile at them. They probably think I’m crazy. Ask me if I care. The world needs a lot more love.

I also found that everyone here is always in a hurry, even when they don't have to be. It seems they have become so accustomed to the rat race that even when they have time, they don't stop to enjoy life. I hope that doesn't become me. I want to always make time to soak in life's sweet moments. The other night on the train, I was thinking about my freshman year of undergrad and the good times I had with the friends who became family. I will never get those moments back, but I so wish I could sometimes. Someday, I may say the same about the time I spent here in New York. So my days here will not be wasted.

Now, about grad school: it's a lot like undergrad. You have the slackers and the overachievers, the invigorating and mind-stimulating professors and the ones who drone on and on. (If you're reading this, Prof. Breakenridge, you are most certainly the former.) And we can't forget the group projects and presentations and seemingly endless reading assignments. What's different is, of course, the content and discussion thereof. We examine many more case studies than I did in undergrad, which I find extremely useful for practical application. Everyone knows you can't learn everything you need to in a classroom or from a book. But you can learn from the past and from your professors and peers. I can honestly say I am impressed with my fellow classmates and their accomplishments, as well as with my professors and their teaching styles.

Right now, I have a lot of free time on my hands, but in a couple weeks I will begin an internship with Simon & Schuster, a top publishing company. When I tell you this opportunity of a lifetime fell into my lap, I mean it. And that’s why I think it was sent from above. I believe in signs like that. What's meant to be always will be. And I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now.

I feel blessed to be who and where I am. This is what dreams are made of.

A Place to Call Home

If you are a real adult reading this post, you have probably hunted for your first apartment. You feel my pain. In my first experience finding a place to call home (apart from the one I have with my parents), I was scammed. When someone tells you they are out of the country for business and can't meet you to view the apartment, KNOW that something is up. When they then proceed to request that you wire them funds for the first month and security, CALL THE COPS. Ok, maybe there is no need for you to call the cops, but in no way should you communicate with them further. DO NOT wire them money but DO share your experience online via the hundreds of forums set up just for that. You'd think people would have some decency and not scam innocent movers just looking for a place to rest their heads at night. Wrong!

After I conducted my own research and realized I had almost made a very bad decision, I began my search again for the apartment of my dreams. In New York City. Yes, I know I'm a tad optimistic, but I warned you. I contacted friends I knew who had gone through an apartment hunt in NYC and they suggested sites for me. I then received a text from a friend from undergrad who was also planning to move to New York. We figured it could only save us money, so we decided to be roommates. And this is where it began to get crazy again.

So Deena (that's my friend's name) had a classmate from grad school who was apartment hunting, too. She became Our Third Roommate. After deciding on our musts--three TRUE bedrooms, two baths (yes we were ambitious), reasonable closet space and pets being allowed (for Our Third Roommate), we searched every site we could, called every Realtor in New York (or so it seemed) and made appointments. After getting to New York, we realized how much of spoiled brats we were coming from Virginia. If it had two baths, one of the rooms was the size of a highschooler's locker. If it had a huge kitchen, there was only one bathroom. If it had three bedrooms AND two baths, we heard shooting outside (KIDDING!). Needless to say, we weren't very impressed with what we saw. This was much to each Realtor's surprise after having worked with New Yorkers for so long. And this was only Day 1.

I was pooped. I had never done that much walking in my life! All I could think of was how I wouldn't really need to work out all that much (not that I ever did haha) if I decided to compete again. Right before I went to bed, I received a Facebook message from Hilary, one of my MVO sisters, saying she, too, was apartment hunting in the city. I figured since we hadn't accomplished all that much the first day, we might as well let her join our troupe for the second day. Our Third Roommate had to get back to work in Virginia the next day, so we promised we'd find a four-bedroom apartment that was absolutely perfect for our many needs.

And we did! Hilary, Deena and I fell in love with the first apartment we viewed the next day and knew it was The One. We then learned Our Third Roommate and her dog would actually no longer be moving to New York and we needed to find our second fourth roommate. You might not believe this, but before the day was over, we did. And the next day, we lost her. And we gained another, lost her, gained another, lost him, and finally decided maybe it would be best if there were only three of us. And so there are.

Or so there were. After what seemed like eons of searching (it was only about a month), in the end, Deena decided to room with another friend of hers and Hilary and I settled on a 2bed/1bath on the Upper West Side that we couldn't be happier with. Having one bathroom will be a challenge, but we're not complaining. We're actually relieved. This stuff sure can be stressful. We've been through who-knows-how-many applications, ridiculous brokers fees and upfront costs that we're all just glad it's over. Deena isn't too far from us so there will be plenty of opportunities for her to visit and vice versa.

We are happy. After all, it is OUR FIRST APARTMENT. We love saying that. We sign our leases soon. Here's to our New York minute!

Stay tuned for more updates.

Chick-fil-A dustup shows there's no escaping the way you were raised

By Terry Dickson on jacksonville.com

BRUNSWICK, GA. | You would think that only PETA would have a bone to pick with Chick-fil-A. Or a broccoli stem to examine, depending on your viewpoint.

Not anymore. Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy stepped in the political equivalent of chicken droppings when he said that marriage should be like it says in the Bible, between a man and a woman.

He wouldn’t have raised a bigger stink if he had said he likes to relax on weekend by stomping a few puppies.

If you eat at Chick-fil-A, someone is hoping you choke on your waffle fries. Rosanne Barr went farther, saying anyone who eats at Chick-fil-A deserves to get cancer. She backed off later, saying she wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone.
Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton said, “I heard Chick-fil-A gives you diarrhea.”

That had to hurt coming from someone like Hilton. He thinks it’s hilarious to draw mustaches and blackened teeth on celebrities’ photos and then and post them on his blog with some catty remarks.

The man’s a true artist.

Some mayors and councilmen around the country are vowing to block Chick-fil-A’s plans to open restaurants in their cities, including Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, who said “Chick-fil-A values are not Chicago values.”

I’m afraid that’s just going to make people eat more chicken.

But look, it’s not really Dan Cathy’s fault. He was raised that way.

His father, company founder S. Truett Cathy, has made no secret that he runs his Chick-fil-A on biblical principals. They’re even closed on Sunday when Baptists love to eat chicken.

Truett and Jeanette Cathy founded the Win Shape Foundation in 1984. It provides college scholarships, has a marriage program and operates camps for kids. In politics, we seem to be hung up on “choice.” Well, there are some people in the world who don’t have a choice. They are kids who have no parents, at least none who care for them.

The Cathys established 12 foster homes on the campus at Berry College where 24 full-time house parents care for children.

The Cathys visit the children often to show them that someone loves them deeply. There are 150 people who call him grandpa.

Locally, Chick-fil-A restaurants have spirit night in which they give part of their profits for causes. Thursday night on St. Simons Island, a group raised money at Chick-fil-A for a young girl who needs heart surgery.

Shortly after Dan Cathy’s remarks, Melissa Browning blogged on Huffington Post that she would bypass her beloved Chick-fil-A meals “I won’t eat at Chick-fil-A on any day of the week because I can no longer be part of these contributions that fund hate,’’ she wrote.

Hate? I don’t think so. Dan Cathy wasn’t raised that way.

--

I posted this because I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying that marriage should be like it says in the Bible, between a man and a woman. If it were open, I'd eat at Chick-fil-A tomorrow. (I love that it's not, though.) It's a shame people can't even voice their calm opinion without others feeling targeted. Just because you don't support same-sex marriage doesn't mean you hate that group of people.

Life Lessons

"When someone believes in you, it moves your heart." As a result, you can then literally (ok, maybe not literally but you sure feel like it!) move mountains. Without a doubt, that is how I have felt in the year 2012. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by family and friends who truly believe in and support me. And it comes in handy.

Since my last entry, I have accepted plenty of losses and experienced some disappointments; made some decisions that I didn't think through and some that I am most proud of; and I have held firm to my belief that everything happens for a reason.

To give you an example, on my third attempt at the Miss Virginia crown, I failed to make the Top 12 after making it last year. Was I disappointed? Sure. Did I accept my loss at the hands of twelve very deserving young women? I sure did. Was I defeated? Absolutely not. You can't keep a good woman down and I'd like to think I'm a good woman. With a different panel of judges on a different day, the results could have been completely different. I realize that. So I moved on. I know who I am, where I stand and for what I will take a stand. If I had to define confidence (which I'm skeptical to fully believe in anyway), that's how I'd define it. Plus, I know several people who believe I could have (and maybe someday could still be) Miss Virginia.

They also believed, like I did, that I could be accepted into New York University for graduate school. And I was. I also received a partial scholarship to help cut the cost of tuition. I couldn't be happier. The market for public relations in New York is huge and I knew that moving there would definitely benefit me professionally in the long run. For that reason, a large part of me wanted to go to New York this fall, no matter how badly I wanted the job of Miss Virginia. Now, all of me is going! God sure knows what He is doing, that I am sure.

Back in April, I went to New Orleans for an alternative break. At night, each team member shared a "high" and "low" moment of that day. I now write down my highs and lows each night (that I remember), and I've found it increasingly hard to choose just one high. My lows are quite often as silly as missing the first five minutes of Wheel of Fortune or my ice cream cone melting. This has shown me that there is truly so much to be grateful for, so little to cry over and a whole world that is waiting to be explored. My exploration of this world will continue in New York City this fall. Where will yours?

Even the Undertaker will be Sorry

Midway through this semester, as part of my special occasion speaking course, I was required to present a eulogy to my class. Oddly enough, it was my own eulogy. Talk about an eerie presentation. I did find, however, that such a presentation is good for the soul. It takes quite a bit of evaluation and projection to give such a speech, but more than that, it makes you think of the impact you are making and the lasting impression you are leaving on the world around you.

One of the best indications I ever got of the impact I was making was a couple summers ago when I volunteered as a Patriot Leader for freshman and transfer orientation. We were finishing our week-long summer training and it was tradition to take part in an activity called "Touch Someone." How it works is everyone sits around a circle with the chairs facing outward and their eyes closed. You can only open your eyes if you are chosen to enter the circle, and if you are (everyone had a chance), you touch someone on the shoulder if something the announcer said applied to that person. "Touch someone who always smells nice" or "Touch someone who has been a good friend" were options called out, among others, as inspirational songs played in the background. Yes, it may sound a little cheesy, but it's a brilliant way to demonstrate that people really are good at heart. I'm a firm believer in that.

Anyway, when I heard, "Touch someone who said the right thing to you at a time when you needed it most," I thought I've never done that. Surely no one will touch my shoulder. But much to my surprise, someone did. I'm not a big crier, but I must admit that touch opened the floodgate of my tears. To think that my words of encouragement, or maybe just words of endearment, meant that much to someone was heartwarming, to say the least. What's even more beautiful is that I will never know who that person was. It could have been any number of my fellow Patriot Leaders and that still gives me chills to this day. Just imagine the number of people you encounter who never mention that you have impacted their life in such a way that is unforgettable. That's what makes me tick. If I consciously make an effort to be a beacon of hope, to leave this world better than when I entered it, I figure my impact will be eternal. That's really the honest-to-God reason I want to be Miss Virginia and Miss America.

What I love about the Miss America Organization is that we are all young women seeking to make this world a better place. We set aside our pride and ulterior motives for the greater good of our communities. One of my favorite quotes is, "Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry." That is what we seek to do, and I am so proud to be a member of the Miss Virginia Class of 2012. This past weekend we all gathered together in Roanoke for Workshop and I can say that I am impressed by and see Miss Virginia in each of my lovely sisters. I wouldn't trade these experiences for the world.

Someday when my eulogy is given for real, I hope the contributions I have made to society don't stray much from the ones I intend to make. If they do, I hope they far exceed my wildest dreams.

Miss Virginia Class of 2012

A Week to Give

I will search no more, for I found myself in New Orleans a couple weeks ago during my spring break. What was I doing down there? Well, I was giving and the funny thing is I found myself by losing myself in the service of others. Gandhi coined that phrase: "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." And that I did, because for quite some time, I have been pondering what on earth the dream job is for a girl of many interests like me. But in keeping with my own motto for life (which I borrowed from the late, great Whitney), "Each day I live I want to be a day to give the best of me," my dream job is simply: a day to give. Or days, rather.

I decided to venture to the Crescent City for various reasons, but the biggest being that I wanted the final spring break of my undergraduate degree to be about something and someone other than me. So often, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget to slow down and enjoy it while we can. We're all guilty of it and we all can do something about it, so I did. I spent a day hanging sheet rock, another visiting the elderly, another assembling bunk beds at a homeless shelter, two more removing debris from a store badly damaged by Hurricane Katrina, and a week with some of the most amazing people you'll ever meet, all with the same mindset: a week of selflessness. I can't even begin to tell you how exhausted we were at the end of each day, but that exhaustion brought us happiness and peace of mind knowing we made a difference.

               

Although we were able to make a difference and change people's lives, our own lives did not go unchanged. Immersion in a culture quite unlike our own, complete with gumbo, jambalaya and po-boys, not to mention street musicians and even a night of Rock 'n' Bowl all really granted us perspective, which we all too often need. And I had more fun than I'd had in a long time, yet I'm usually having too much fun. That should tell you something. Grateful was our word for the week, and we all took turns writing down what we were grateful for each night in our shared journal: newly formed friendships, our physical ability to help others and the impact we could all feel, among other things. Without this time of reflection, I don't think we would have been changed as much as we have.

They say you should give until it hurts and then you give some more. Well, I'm living proof that it's frightening, yet incredible how true that is. And that is why (in a perfect world with a rich husband or an uncle who leaves me in his will or by stroke of luck, I win the lottery) I would spend my days giving back to those who so desperately need the beacon of hope I am sure I can provide. However, in this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life, I have been granted such an opportunity that is arguably better. That is the opportunity to compete for the title of Miss Virginia and travel the state promoting my personal platform Communication 101: Creating a Lasting Impression and the Children's Miracle Network Hospitals, the platform of the Miss America Organization. It is a job that would require great sacrifice, drive, independence and a great deal of travel, but it's certainly one that would be worth it.

I think my alternative spring break in New Orleans is the best preparation I could ever get for such a role. In fact, it's the best preparation for leading a life free (or mostly free, who am I kidding?) of material desires and full of all that matters so much more. For all this, I am eternally grateful for my week to give.

I Will Always Love You

I was just six years old when The Preacher's Wife came out in theaters. My parents tell me it was the first full-length movie I ever sat through. I fell in love with Whitney Houston's character in that movie, her voice and her presence. Since that time, it's been my favorite movie, no matter the time of year. (It's a Christmas movie). And I still know all the lines in every scene. Go on, try me.



Long before the movie came out, I had declared Whitney Houston to be my favorite singer of all time. The first time I ever heard her on the radio, I was riding with my family back home after going out to dinner. I don't remember which song it was, but I remember looking out the window into the field we were passing with a clear blue night sky behind it and allowing her voice to consume me. I felt I had been taken to another universe entirely, a universe in which everything was perfect and there were no worries. I think I fell in love with the world of music that night. After asking my dad who she was, her name I never forgot.

My favorite song of all time is "I Will Always Love You" and that's usually one of the first things I tell people I meet. It's gotten me through many a heartbreak and breakup, not because I was in love with all of them, but because sometimes it's just time to move on, though you may wish that person joy and happiness and above all, love. Many days I listened to that song on repeat all day, simply because it's the kind of song that just never gets old. With that song, Whitney was able to take a country song and make it universal. I love that. I also love how she was told by her record label that having a song with an a cappella introduction wouldn't be successful. But she held her ground and that song became the best-selling single by a female artist. When something feels right to you, don't let anyone talk you out of it. That's what I learned from Whitney.

As you can imagine, there are numerous videos of me singing "I Will Always Love You" and other songs by Whitney. I, like many other little black girls, had dreams of growing up to be like Whitney. It is very likely that I will never achieve such success, but it's incredible how someone can spawn so much hope in so many with just her voice. Another favorite song of mine is "One Moment in Time." In the opening lyrics, Whitney sings, "Each day I live I want to be a day to give the best of me." That's my motto for life, my motivation, so much so that my license plate says, "ADY2GV" for "a day to give." She performed it live at the Grammys one year and I will never forget that. Her level of inspiration was and is immeasurable.

My Love is Your Love was the first CD I ever owned, given to me one Christmas by my parents, and to this day, there isn't a song of hers I don't know. In the title song of the album, Whitney sings, "If I should die this very day, don't cry cause on earth we wasn't meant to stay." She's right, but I just wish it hadn't happened so soon. I always thought I would meet her someday and maybe hear her sing my favorite song live. Hearing of Whitney Houston's passing brought me great sorrow and unexpected tears. I've never cried over a celebrity's death before, but if it ever had to happen, it would be for Whitney and Whitney alone.

When Whitney Houston sang "The Star Spangled Banner" at Super Bowl XXV, the national anthem became a top ten single. It has since become a benchmark for future singers' patriotism and creativity in making the song their own. In my opinion, it has yet to be topped.

Everyone who knows me knows that when a Whitney song comes on the radio, there's no talking or singing around me, out of respect to The Voice. She was perfectly imperfect. I read somewhere that we're all fighting our demons and some of us overcome them, while others lose that battle. It would do no justice to history for me not to acknowledge Whitney's drug addiction, because it was pretty clear that she struggled with one. But that's not how I will remember her. Maya Angelou once said, "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." I do think I will remember every line she ever spoke in a movie and every note she ever sang. But I will remember how she made me feel most. Years from now when I have a family of my own, I hope my children are as much fans of Whitney as I will always be.

 

Whitney Houston, I will always love you.