Nubian Skin Matters

(Photo courtesy of Nubian Skin)

As a pageant contestant for more than ten years, I am no stranger to the term "nude." The only issue is: nude has never really known my name. From underwear to shoes to mesh on a gown, there has never really been a nude that appeared nude on me. All I can come up with is designers often create the color with a much more fair skin tone in mind than mine, perhaps because of their largest demographic is white women. That I am not, so when I heard of brand that had designed nude underwear specifically for women of color, I was over the moon.

To Dear Old NYU

One week ago, New York University held its 183rd commencement ceremony to honor the graduating Class of 2015. Yours truly is humbled to be a member of that class. I now have a master's degree in public relations and corporate communication (PRCC)! A week after commencement, I'm still feeling inspired, excited and relieved...all at once. 

It's About How You Make them Feel

In pageantry, they say when everything goes wrong you're going to win. Yet, still I had no idea I would be crowned Miss Bronx 2013 while sharing the stage with 14 other incredibly intelligent and talented young women Sunday night. Did I mention how beautiful they were? But, boy am I honored and excited for this journey to Miss New York and maybe even Miss America!

Mere seconds before walking into my interview, I was told that my paperwork was lost. You don't say, I thought. And How can I somehow make up for this? The paperwork sets up the interview and without it...I didn't even want to think about what could ensue. So I devised a plan. I walked in that room and introduced the elephant. "I know you don't have my paperwork or headshot, so you really had no concept of who I was or what I looked like until this very moment," I began, before they could utter a word. I felt it would be best to just come out with it. Otherwise, I'd risk being asked, "So tell us a little about yourself..." Bo-ring. Overdone. Seldom wows them.

"But how I look is the least of what's important in the Miss America Organization," I continued. "In this organization we are scholars, philanthropists, advocates. So what we say and do and what we give is far more important than how we look. But even those things you may forget. You will never forget how we made you feel, though. And that's what I want to do as Miss Bronx. I want to cater to each person's crave to feel important. I want to empower young people through their communication so that they will derive their self-worth off these things and not material things, like how they look..."

And that's what I learned this weekend: that I really can get through anything. My annoyingly consistent optimism really does pay off. In life, even the best laid plans don't work out exactly as you'd like them to. Things get lost, forgotten or simply changed. There is only so much that we can control. After that, we just have to let go and trust our instincts. Or trust Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That's what I believe.

This was the third local I competed in this season, after placing first runner up in the first and making the top ten in the second. I wanted so badly to win both of the previous times, but I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. We all are. Things happen the way they're supposed to and the sooner we realize that, the better. This isn't to say we won't suffer disappointments, because surely we will; but the reason we fall is so we can learn to pick ourselves back up. Ok, so I'm a Batman fan. You caught me. But the philosophy is brilliant, so I adopted it. And you should, too.

In pageantry, they say the pageant is won in the interview room. Of that I am not certain because this is my fourth local in the Miss America Organization, I've only won interview once and no preliminary interview award was announced at Miss Bronx. What I am certain of is I that achieved my goal. Apart from my impromptu opening statement (which is no longer an official planned portion of the interview these days), I was able to share my story with that panel, how I came to be who I am. And whether I had won the title or not, that's how I define my success: by how much of the real me I showcase in interview. And why would I want to be anyone else?

Because being Miss Bronx...that's what dreams are made of.

(P.S. I know it's been a while since I've posted and I need to update you on what else is going on in my life, so please stay tuned.)

Chase Dreams, Not Boys

I'm trying to get my life on track. Who isn't? And since I love to read, I've recently begun keeping up with the following blogs. A friend of mine put me on to the first one on dating in the Christian world; and although she borders on vanity in some posts, I rather agree with most of what Heather Lindsey says on her blog.

A former Miss America posted a link to this blog post, The Christmas Conundrum, about the true meaning of Christmas. After reading it, I thought becoming a regular follower could only enrich my life. What I loved most from that particular post was this gift-giving policy the author and her husband put in place for their children:

Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

And that's it. Can I just tell you how much I love that? And she and her husband don't exchange gifts for Christmas at all. I fully support this. And someday, when I have a family of my own, I want to adopt this policy. The season just means so much more and I want it to continue to for years and years to come.

Finally, I discovered Smart, Pretty & Awkward a few months ago and I check in every so often for a little inspiration. I find it can be well-received by both men and women, but the target audience is most certainly women. Otherwise, they need a new marketing strategy that doesn't involve a girly layout, font and colors. And you can't really tell a man how to be prettier, can you? But anywho, it offers tips on how to be smarter, prettier and less awkward. Really, great stuff.

So I shared all this with you to say I love being a woman. Furthermore, I love being a lady. And I doubt anyone would disagree that we need more of them today. These women have enriched my life and the lives of several thousand women through their blogs. They've shown me that there are other women out there (besides my friends and me) who still have conventional values when it comes to living life, being a woman and serving the Lord. I hope my own blog does that for other women out there like me.

I'll get to my point now. My rage began with a photo on Instagram. It read:

"Dating in the 21st Century is by far one of the most ridiculous processes ever. People are so complicated. You must play games. You must lie. You have to act like you don't care even if you do. You must date multiple people to keep the attention of that one because it's generally just casual. You must be unavailable. If you're too available, people get turned off. You have to ignore calls even if you want to pick up. Essentially, if you're a true lover, you have to resist everything that comes natural to you and play this f*cking "game" you f*cking idiots love to play. It changes everything for to pretend like I don't care. I actually stop giving a f*ck."

Minus the expletives, yeah...pretty much. I really don't get it. Oh, but then again, I do.

I came across this article posted in the New York Times and realized why. From my understanding, the Gaggle founders condone a lifestyle of hookups and the lowering of standards simply because times have changed. They say use every man in your life to find love. Umm maybe I just read what I wanted to read, but the founders say that since times have changed, dating also should change. Ok, but men and women haven't. Not really. Find me a woman who will tell you she doesn't want a fairytale romance, that she doesn't want to be pursued as if she's the only woman in the world, that in the end, that what she really wants is a slew of meaningless relationships with men who foresee no future with her, and I'll show you a woman in denial.

And find me a man who won't go as far as a woman will let him just because he wants to be a gentleman and I'll show you my collection of chick flicks via websites that allow me to watch them free.

I think we've forgotten that we possess the lucky charm. And forgetting that is what's gotten us into the mess we're currently in. I'm not saying we women don't need to change our ways, because we do. But we absolutely do not need to lower our standards. Ever. I'm a firm believer that the right guy will rise to meet them. And if he doesn't, then obviously he wasn't/isn't Mr. Right.

If no one is behaving as a lady should, surely no one will behave as a gentleman should. Excuse me while I channel my inner Meek Mill and Wale: These men be actin' up and we women be lettin' em. Don't let em. Dare to be different and to set yourself apart from every other run-of-the mill, Instagram-model, ambitionless woman who says she's waiting on Mr. Right. She'll be waiting a long time. Shoot, I may be waiting a long time, myself, and I'm none of the above.

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine asked if I moved to New York to find love, like on Sex and the City. I said, "Of course not!" I actually couldn't believe that was a real question, but hey...you never know. On her blog, Heather Lindsey (the first blog I posted) said that Eve didn't go looking for her Adam. He woke up and found her. I have no choice but to believe that's not how it will happen. I'm not saying align yourself with the likes of any Disney princess or other damsel in distress that we loved throughout our childhood, but do something that matters with your life. Meet new people. Go out on dates and allow men to wine and dine you. Because they should. You are beautiful and you deserve nothing but the best. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

So in honor of the first birthday of an organization I joined during undergrad of the same name chase dreams, not boys. Visit the Chase Dreams, Not Boys website and get involved in any way you can.

I am chasing my dreams. How can that not be what dreams are made of?

Furnish a Room on a Budget

I moved to New York in September. It is now December and the furnishing of my room is finally complete. And guess what: I did it all on a budget! You should be proud. I always start with these huge ideas and I keep at it until it becomes a reality. That's what happened with my room. At first, all I knew was that I wanted it to be classy. Well, of course. This is me we're talking about here. But there had to be something more...

Black and white have been my favorite colors for quite some time because I think they are just the epitome of class, so that was the "theme" I gave my bedroom. I shopped around and rummaged through my parents' home in Virginia until it all came together. I can't take credit for it all, because my mother helped me quite a lot. Her design sense (and cents) is incredible and I couldn't have done it without her. I know they say bedrooms are intimate and blah blah blah but I'm an open person and I like to share. Plus, the vast majority of you reading this will probably not get the chance to see it in the flesh anyway. So here go the photos. Enjoy! And if you have any questions, please do ask!

Dresser - Craigslist, came with a chest of drawers for $160 total

Headboard - Groupon, $80

Mattress and box spring - Ashley Furniture, originally $2500, got it for $750

Comforter - Target, $19.99

Yellow pillows - Target, $14.99ea.

Black and white pillow - IKEA, $12.99

Desk - IKEA, $119

Desk chair - Mom found it at a beauty shop, $20

Curtains - Walmart, $14.99

Rug - Walmart, $39.99

Floor lamp - IKEA, $19.99

Audrey Hepburn wall decor - gifted from a close friend

As you can see, I didn't really splurge on anything except my mattress (and boy, let me tell ya, it was worth it!). It didn't come together all at once, but it came together quite beautifully, if I do say so myself.  It's my own little corner and I adore it. This is what dreams are made of.

P.S. I'll do a post on my living room another time.