Journey to a Husband: Servanthood

Photo via @lauralacquer

Marriage isn't guaranteed for anyone. I want to start there. But if we have the desire for marriage, there is plenty we can do right now as single women to prepare for that season. As we tackle the topic Journey to a Husband, I thought it only fitting to follow honor with service. Service can be anything! But I've learned it's especially the little things.

A Single Year

A lot can happen in a single year. Last summer, I attended the Legacy Conference for the first time. It changed my life in more ways than one. I stepped outside my comfort zone and traveled to the conference alone, praying and believing I would make new friends. I did! I met some incredible people from across the country that I now call family.

It was at the end of Legacy that I felt called to a year of singleness. I kissed dating goodbye. (I actually read that book--it's pretty good and brings a lot into perspective.) Today marks a year since I made that decision. I'm still on a spiritual high from my second Legacy Conference and can’t help but reflect on my growth this past year.

Fast Five

Photo via blackgirlhealth.com

I bet the woman described in Proverbs 31 was a neat freak. She likely coined the phrase "a place for everything and everything in its place." She's the type of woman that you could stop by unannounced and the smell of ocean breeze consumes you as she opens the front door. She greets you with a smile and welcomes you to join her in the kitchen where she's preparing the most delicious meal ever as light music plays. At the sight of fresh lemonade on the counter, your mouth waters. You figure There's no way she can be this perfect, so you ask to use the restroom and secretly snoop--only to find that to your horror, there isn't a speck of dust on even the tallest shelf.

What I Want My Daughters to Know

Photo by Kesha Lambert Photography via @triciasmithbrown

All this talk about Beyoncé and empowering women has got me thinking about future generations. If you didn't know, I'm crazy about kids. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted seven--it's my favorite number, after all. I'm much older and wiser than I was when I first decided that, but somehow that number hasn't changed through the years. I think of my children often: how I want to raise them, what I want to teach them, what instruments they'll take up, sports they'll play...essentially who I want them to become. So I made this list to remind me of all the things I want them to know when they're no longer figments of my imagination but actual humans walking the earth.

Nubian Skin Matters

(Photo courtesy of Nubian Skin)

As a pageant contestant for more than ten years, I am no stranger to the term "nude." The only issue is: nude has never really known my name. From underwear to shoes to mesh on a gown, there has never really been a nude that appeared nude on me. All I can come up with is designers often create the color with a much more fair skin tone in mind than mine, perhaps because of their largest demographic is white women. That I am not, so when I heard of brand that had designed nude underwear specifically for women of color, I was over the moon.

The Husband List: An Update

Photo via Legacy Event Planning

I first wrote this post about a year ago. A girlfriend and I had read former Miss USA Kristen Dalton Wolfe's The Husband List: 12 Non-Negotiables and were inspired to draft lists of our own. Since that time, I have experienced more spiritual and personal growth than I could have ever imagined. I was recently invited to share this post on the Courtship vs. Dating blog as a guest blogger and thought it fitting to update it to reflect who I am now.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman

Not long ago, a good friend of mine sent me a video and it really spoke to me as an unabashedly ambitious young woman who is grounded. And single. It begins, "So it seemed that it was cool for everyone to be in a relationship but me. So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him." Umm DING DING DING! Story of MY life, as well as the lives of just about every girlfriend of mine. I didn't know where this girl was going with her spoken word, but I knew I needed to heed whatever Word she was bringing forth straight from the Lord Himself, it seemed. And at the end, my soul was truly blessed.

You see, people often ask me why I'm single. How on earth should I know? is my first thought. Then I think back on my past relationships and the many guys who just weren't "ready" for me at the time. They wanted to put me on layaway, in a sense. I also think of the good guys I let slip through my fingers because...well, I don't really know why, honestly. I just know it happened somehow. Maybe it's because good girls like bad guys... In the end, I usually tell whoever is asking that I'm just too busy--which certainly isn't a lie if you know me--but we all know we women make time for men we care about no matter what. We are the greatest multi-taskers of all time, and that's why it frustrates us when people (men) say they don't have time for us.

But I think it's all about who we attract and how much "time of day," as my parents say, we give them. In the video, the artist says, "I called 911 but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting because it was me who let him in." She's so right! When we try to take a man and make him The One, we're the ones responsible, in the end. If we aren't open and honest about our wants, needs and boundaries up front, we have no one to blame but ourselves. But this doesn't have to be.

Many women I know say they already are or are striving to become Proverbs 31 women, but I see few taking the actions necessary to become one. I decided to do just that and I implore all women to do the same. I ordered "She is...Devotional," a book of 22 daily devotionals to help women of all ages become Proverbs 31 women. Each day begins, "She is..." One of my favorites is: "She is COMPASSION. She keeps her arms outstretched to those who need help." If that doesn't sound like the perfect woman, I don't know what does. And the best part is that each day comes complete with a prayer.

Being a Proverbs 31 woman is like being a lady or being intelligent or having confidence: it isn't spoken, it's exuded. She is imperturbable. She is fearless. She is clothed in royalty. She is humble.

For me, becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is what dreams are made of. So to my future husband, "I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31, waiting for you."

Check out the video below. It might change your life.

I Wish You Enough

When do I sleep, you ask? Well, I don't. I can sleep when I die. That brings me to my point of inspiration for this post...

I came across a shared photo on Facebook with a story about an ailing mother and her daughter saying goodbye to one another after a visit. As the mother was very ill, she figured that would be the last moment the two of them would spend together. They said to each other, "I wish you enough," which a stranger overheard. Later in the story, the stranger would ask the mother what that meant. The mother shared the following, which had been passed down from generation to generation in their family:

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. 

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

This was such an incredible passage. A friend of mine once told me he only eats until he is satisfied, at which point he has had enough. A lot of times in life, we want it all, we want it now, and as a result, we become greedy. Instead, we should wish for simply enough. After all, it is enough. Adequate, efficient. 

Why do we insist on having everything we can get our hands on, instead of what will suffice. Too much of anything is no good, they say. So why do we want it all? Why isn't enough enough? It should be. Starting today, I am striving for enough.

So I wish you enough. Because that's what dreams are made of.

Lost Generation

This video was showed in one of the last classes I took at George Mason and I seize every opportunity to share it. Without a doubt, you'll enjoy it. Not only that, but it will make you think. So think! And do.