Take Your Time

Me with my parents (to my right) and my aunt

Death is an odd thing, really. People are here one day, then gone the next. And the same will happen to each of us one day. Songs will be sung (“I’ll Fly Away,” if you’re in the South), kind words spoken by people who knew you best, flowers and cards given to your survivors, a repast held back at the church...and then everyone will go home. Some will remember you. Some will miss you. Some won’t. It can really shake you if you think about it long enough, which I happen to do from time to time.

Journey to a Husband: Servanthood

Photo via @lauralacquer

Marriage isn't guaranteed for anyone. I want to start there. But if we have the desire for marriage, there is plenty we can do right now as single women to prepare for that season. As we tackle the topic Journey to a Husband, I thought it only fitting to follow honor with service. Service can be anything! But I've learned it's especially the little things.

Journey to a Husband: Honor

Photo via @drephoto3 

It's no secret that many single women desire marriage. We daydream about our future husbands and create lists about our non-negotiables. We fill our Pinterest boards with wedding decor and ring styles and gown designs. But we still may not be ready for the kind of relationship that leads to a healthy marriage. We can get ready, though. Obviously, I'm no expert--I've never been married. In fact,  I gave up dating for a year. That year is up and while I'm still not quite dating, I felt inspired to write about the wisdom about relationships and marriage I've acquired. I'll call it Journey to a Husband. This is the first installment.

Nubian Skin Matters

(Photo courtesy of Nubian Skin)

As a pageant contestant for more than ten years, I am no stranger to the term "nude." The only issue is: nude has never really known my name. From underwear to shoes to mesh on a gown, there has never really been a nude that appeared nude on me. All I can come up with is designers often create the color with a much more fair skin tone in mind than mine, perhaps because of their largest demographic is white women. That I am not, so when I heard of brand that had designed nude underwear specifically for women of color, I was over the moon.

Girl Talk: Big Red

NO BOYS ALLOWED. It's time for girl talk. No, seriously, you boys and men wouldn't even understand. But if you want to stick around, by all means, suit yourself.

I'll start by saying this: women's health is important. And I care about all things concerning women. I love women. So when my post advocating for women getting their annual checkups at the gynecologist was met with mixed reviews, it became more evident than ever that we women are fearful of talking openly about what's affecting our bodies.

Miss Virginia USA 2016: The Warm Up

They say being 1st runner up is so tough. Having been in this spot twice--once six years ago at the National American Miss national pageant and now at Miss Virginia USA--I must say if this is what "tough" feels like, life should be more of it. Honestly, I feel like I won! (Minus the crown and Mercedes and all.) A week and a half has come and gone and I'm still in awe. From my hair to my wardrobe, I took big risks and made bold moves this year. I can't say I did it without fears or reservations, but the outpouring of love and support from friends and pageant fans alike has been incredible. One mother reached out to say her daughter had found beauty in her own complexion and hair texture because of me. You know I lost it right then and there. Looking back, I'm certain that this year wasn't even about me, but about bringing diverse beauty to a culture that has defined beauty so narrowly for years and years.

I was the last contestant called into the Top 5--I guess you could say I was pretty excited.

So let me take a moment to note that the reason I am so humbled by this experience is...

10 Things To Do While SAVED & SINGLE

I'm working on becoming a better me, as I'm sure we all are and should. A blog post on what the specifics of becoming a better me entail is coming soon, so be on the lookout. In the meantime, I came across another post call 10 Things to do While Saved & Single and I really enjoyed the read. Not only that, but I took a lot from it on how to improve my life as a single Christian. Some of these things I already do; others I am willing to adopt. I thought it might bless some of you so below is the text of the post that originally appeared on NORingNOSheets. Happy reading!

How to be Beautiful

Being a beauty queen and all, I'm often asked for beauty secrets. The truth is: I don't have any. I believe in the democratization of beauty so I share what works for me freely. And when I say it works for me, I mean just that. The best way to find what works for you is to experiment with as many different products as your budget will permit. Subscription services like Birchbox and Glossybox are great resources for beauty experimenters. Both send you monthly samples of products you otherwise may never try. And the samples are always enough that you can use them several times so you know it really works. If you want to know what works for me, keep reading.

Life After

I wanted so badly to become Miss America. I spent five years competing at the local and state level because I have always felt my life is about making a difference in the lives of others. I wanted the Miss America platform to help me do it nationwide. Without a doubt, I know I would have made a great Miss America, but I didn't win a state title. Now, after "aging out," I never will. One of my deepest but unuttered fears was that this day would come and I would have to say that to myself. Here it is. And I'm ok. I am still alive and able to do great work in this world. I never needed a crown for that and I still don't.

So let me say this: it takes guts to compete for Miss Virginia and Miss New York. The process of self-awareness, growth and vulnerability that you endure as a contestant is quite unlike anything else I have ever experienced. And I loved every minute of it. It takes heart to walk into a room full of strangers waiting to fire a series of questions your way and be unequivocally you. You dodge controversial and loaded questions, sometimes with ease and grace, but sometimes you get stumped. Sometimes, you don't know the answer or can't think quickly enough on your feet. Sometimes your wit or humor doesn't come across as you planned. Sometimes even the very words that seemed to make sense in your brain roll off your tongue and even you don't know what they mean. But you remember that you are human and that's what happens to humans: we make mistakes.

But dreaming of becoming and competing for Miss America was not one. I wouldn't trade my experiences, self-growth or the lifelong friendships I made for anything in this world. I am who I am today because of the Miss America Organization, whether directly or indirectly. Only one young woman can win on a given night and whether my record in pageantry indicates it or not, I "won" more often than not. I am and will always be a winner.

My contentment has prepared me for what I call Life After. Until now, there has always been the possibility that someday I could be Miss America. There was also the possibility that someday I wouldn't. So I promised myself long ago that I would never put my life on hold or pass up incredible opportunities to win. Sure, I made sacrifices. I sacrificed my time more than anything and that's something I will never get back--the brunches, family get-togethers, Girls Nights and other events I missed. Looking back, it was worth it. And Lord willing, there will be more. My whole life is before me. I now never have to wonder What if? and that gives me more peace than you may imagine.

This fall, I will complete my master's degree at New York University. At this very moment I am taking a break from applying to full-time jobs to write this blog post. This summer has and I believe will continue to be my best yet. I have the best friends and family I could ever ask for. I have good health, a sound mind and an able body. In short, I am blessed. So here's to Life After. It's what dreams are made of.

Peace