Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman

Not long ago, a good friend of mine sent me a video and it really spoke to me as an unabashedly ambitious young woman who is grounded. And single. It begins, "So it seemed that it was cool for everyone to be in a relationship but me. So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him." Umm DING DING DING! Story of MY life, as well as the lives of just about every girlfriend of mine. I didn't know where this girl was going with her spoken word, but I knew I needed to heed whatever Word she was bringing forth straight from the Lord Himself, it seemed. And at the end, my soul was truly blessed.

You see, people often ask me why I'm single. How on earth should I know? is my first thought. Then I think back on my past relationships and the many guys who just weren't "ready" for me at the time. They wanted to put me on layaway, in a sense. I also think of the good guys I let slip through my fingers because...well, I don't really know why, honestly. I just know it happened somehow. Maybe it's because good girls like bad guys... In the end, I usually tell whoever is asking that I'm just too busy--which certainly isn't a lie if you know me--but we all know we women make time for men we care about no matter what. We are the greatest multi-taskers of all time, and that's why it frustrates us when people (men) say they don't have time for us.

But I think it's all about who we attract and how much "time of day," as my parents say, we give them. In the video, the artist says, "I called 911 but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting because it was me who let him in." She's so right! When we try to take a man and make him The One, we're the ones responsible, in the end. If we aren't open and honest about our wants, needs and boundaries up front, we have no one to blame but ourselves. But this doesn't have to be.

Many women I know say they already are or are striving to become Proverbs 31 women, but I see few taking the actions necessary to become one. I decided to do just that and I implore all women to do the same. I ordered "She is...Devotional," a book of 22 daily devotionals to help women of all ages become Proverbs 31 women. Each day begins, "She is..." One of my favorites is: "She is COMPASSION. She keeps her arms outstretched to those who need help." If that doesn't sound like the perfect woman, I don't know what does. And the best part is that each day comes complete with a prayer.

Being a Proverbs 31 woman is like being a lady or being intelligent or having confidence: it isn't spoken, it's exuded. She is imperturbable. She is fearless. She is clothed in royalty. She is humble.

For me, becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is what dreams are made of. So to my future husband, "I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31, waiting for you."

Check out the video below. It might change your life.

I Wish You Enough

When do I sleep, you ask? Well, I don't. I can sleep when I die. That brings me to my point of inspiration for this post...

I came across a shared photo on Facebook with a story about an ailing mother and her daughter saying goodbye to one another after a visit. As the mother was very ill, she figured that would be the last moment the two of them would spend together. They said to each other, "I wish you enough," which a stranger overheard. Later in the story, the stranger would ask the mother what that meant. The mother shared the following, which had been passed down from generation to generation in their family:

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. 

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

This was such an incredible passage. A friend of mine once told me he only eats until he is satisfied, at which point he has had enough. A lot of times in life, we want it all, we want it now, and as a result, we become greedy. Instead, we should wish for simply enough. After all, it is enough. Adequate, efficient. 

Why do we insist on having everything we can get our hands on, instead of what will suffice. Too much of anything is no good, they say. So why do we want it all? Why isn't enough enough? It should be. Starting today, I am striving for enough.

So I wish you enough. Because that's what dreams are made of.

It's About How You Make them Feel

In pageantry, they say when everything goes wrong you're going to win. Yet, still I had no idea I would be crowned Miss Bronx 2013 while sharing the stage with 14 other incredibly intelligent and talented young women Sunday night. Did I mention how beautiful they were? But, boy am I honored and excited for this journey to Miss New York and maybe even Miss America!

Mere seconds before walking into my interview, I was told that my paperwork was lost. You don't say, I thought. And How can I somehow make up for this? The paperwork sets up the interview and without it...I didn't even want to think about what could ensue. So I devised a plan. I walked in that room and introduced the elephant. "I know you don't have my paperwork or headshot, so you really had no concept of who I was or what I looked like until this very moment," I began, before they could utter a word. I felt it would be best to just come out with it. Otherwise, I'd risk being asked, "So tell us a little about yourself..." Bo-ring. Overdone. Seldom wows them.

"But how I look is the least of what's important in the Miss America Organization," I continued. "In this organization we are scholars, philanthropists, advocates. So what we say and do and what we give is far more important than how we look. But even those things you may forget. You will never forget how we made you feel, though. And that's what I want to do as Miss Bronx. I want to cater to each person's crave to feel important. I want to empower young people through their communication so that they will derive their self-worth off these things and not material things, like how they look..."

And that's what I learned this weekend: that I really can get through anything. My annoyingly consistent optimism really does pay off. In life, even the best laid plans don't work out exactly as you'd like them to. Things get lost, forgotten or simply changed. There is only so much that we can control. After that, we just have to let go and trust our instincts. Or trust Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That's what I believe.

This was the third local I competed in this season, after placing first runner up in the first and making the top ten in the second. I wanted so badly to win both of the previous times, but I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. We all are. Things happen the way they're supposed to and the sooner we realize that, the better. This isn't to say we won't suffer disappointments, because surely we will; but the reason we fall is so we can learn to pick ourselves back up. Ok, so I'm a Batman fan. You caught me. But the philosophy is brilliant, so I adopted it. And you should, too.

In pageantry, they say the pageant is won in the interview room. Of that I am not certain because this is my fourth local in the Miss America Organization, I've only won interview once and no preliminary interview award was announced at Miss Bronx. What I am certain of is I that achieved my goal. Apart from my impromptu opening statement (which is no longer an official planned portion of the interview these days), I was able to share my story with that panel, how I came to be who I am. And whether I had won the title or not, that's how I define my success: by how much of the real me I showcase in interview. And why would I want to be anyone else?

Because being Miss Bronx...that's what dreams are made of.

(P.S. I know it's been a while since I've posted and I need to update you on what else is going on in my life, so please stay tuned.)

Lost Generation

This video was showed in one of the last classes I took at George Mason and I seize every opportunity to share it. Without a doubt, you'll enjoy it. Not only that, but it will make you think. So think! And do.

Chase Dreams, Not Boys

I'm trying to get my life on track. Who isn't? And since I love to read, I've recently begun keeping up with the following blogs. A friend of mine put me on to the first one on dating in the Christian world; and although she borders on vanity in some posts, I rather agree with most of what Heather Lindsey says on her blog.

A former Miss America posted a link to this blog post, The Christmas Conundrum, about the true meaning of Christmas. After reading it, I thought becoming a regular follower could only enrich my life. What I loved most from that particular post was this gift-giving policy the author and her husband put in place for their children:

Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

And that's it. Can I just tell you how much I love that? And she and her husband don't exchange gifts for Christmas at all. I fully support this. And someday, when I have a family of my own, I want to adopt this policy. The season just means so much more and I want it to continue to for years and years to come.

Finally, I discovered Smart, Pretty & Awkward a few months ago and I check in every so often for a little inspiration. I find it can be well-received by both men and women, but the target audience is most certainly women. Otherwise, they need a new marketing strategy that doesn't involve a girly layout, font and colors. And you can't really tell a man how to be prettier, can you? But anywho, it offers tips on how to be smarter, prettier and less awkward. Really, great stuff.

So I shared all this with you to say I love being a woman. Furthermore, I love being a lady. And I doubt anyone would disagree that we need more of them today. These women have enriched my life and the lives of several thousand women through their blogs. They've shown me that there are other women out there (besides my friends and me) who still have conventional values when it comes to living life, being a woman and serving the Lord. I hope my own blog does that for other women out there like me.

I'll get to my point now. My rage began with a photo on Instagram. It read:

"Dating in the 21st Century is by far one of the most ridiculous processes ever. People are so complicated. You must play games. You must lie. You have to act like you don't care even if you do. You must date multiple people to keep the attention of that one because it's generally just casual. You must be unavailable. If you're too available, people get turned off. You have to ignore calls even if you want to pick up. Essentially, if you're a true lover, you have to resist everything that comes natural to you and play this f*cking "game" you f*cking idiots love to play. It changes everything for to pretend like I don't care. I actually stop giving a f*ck."

Minus the expletives, yeah...pretty much. I really don't get it. Oh, but then again, I do.

I came across this article posted in the New York Times and realized why. From my understanding, the Gaggle founders condone a lifestyle of hookups and the lowering of standards simply because times have changed. They say use every man in your life to find love. Umm maybe I just read what I wanted to read, but the founders say that since times have changed, dating also should change. Ok, but men and women haven't. Not really. Find me a woman who will tell you she doesn't want a fairytale romance, that she doesn't want to be pursued as if she's the only woman in the world, that in the end, that what she really wants is a slew of meaningless relationships with men who foresee no future with her, and I'll show you a woman in denial.

And find me a man who won't go as far as a woman will let him just because he wants to be a gentleman and I'll show you my collection of chick flicks via websites that allow me to watch them free.

I think we've forgotten that we possess the lucky charm. And forgetting that is what's gotten us into the mess we're currently in. I'm not saying we women don't need to change our ways, because we do. But we absolutely do not need to lower our standards. Ever. I'm a firm believer that the right guy will rise to meet them. And if he doesn't, then obviously he wasn't/isn't Mr. Right.

If no one is behaving as a lady should, surely no one will behave as a gentleman should. Excuse me while I channel my inner Meek Mill and Wale: These men be actin' up and we women be lettin' em. Don't let em. Dare to be different and to set yourself apart from every other run-of-the mill, Instagram-model, ambitionless woman who says she's waiting on Mr. Right. She'll be waiting a long time. Shoot, I may be waiting a long time, myself, and I'm none of the above.

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine asked if I moved to New York to find love, like on Sex and the City. I said, "Of course not!" I actually couldn't believe that was a real question, but hey...you never know. On her blog, Heather Lindsey (the first blog I posted) said that Eve didn't go looking for her Adam. He woke up and found her. I have no choice but to believe that's not how it will happen. I'm not saying align yourself with the likes of any Disney princess or other damsel in distress that we loved throughout our childhood, but do something that matters with your life. Meet new people. Go out on dates and allow men to wine and dine you. Because they should. You are beautiful and you deserve nothing but the best. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

So in honor of the first birthday of an organization I joined during undergrad of the same name chase dreams, not boys. Visit the Chase Dreams, Not Boys website and get involved in any way you can.

I am chasing my dreams. How can that not be what dreams are made of?

Furnish a Room on a Budget

I moved to New York in September. It is now December and the furnishing of my room is finally complete. And guess what: I did it all on a budget! You should be proud. I always start with these huge ideas and I keep at it until it becomes a reality. That's what happened with my room. At first, all I knew was that I wanted it to be classy. Well, of course. This is me we're talking about here. But there had to be something more...

Black and white have been my favorite colors for quite some time because I think they are just the epitome of class, so that was the "theme" I gave my bedroom. I shopped around and rummaged through my parents' home in Virginia until it all came together. I can't take credit for it all, because my mother helped me quite a lot. Her design sense (and cents) is incredible and I couldn't have done it without her. I know they say bedrooms are intimate and blah blah blah but I'm an open person and I like to share. Plus, the vast majority of you reading this will probably not get the chance to see it in the flesh anyway. So here go the photos. Enjoy! And if you have any questions, please do ask!

Dresser - Craigslist, came with a chest of drawers for $160 total

Headboard - Groupon, $80

Mattress and box spring - Ashley Furniture, originally $2500, got it for $750

Comforter - Target, $19.99

Yellow pillows - Target, $14.99ea.

Black and white pillow - IKEA, $12.99

Desk - IKEA, $119

Desk chair - Mom found it at a beauty shop, $20

Curtains - Walmart, $14.99

Rug - Walmart, $39.99

Floor lamp - IKEA, $19.99

Audrey Hepburn wall decor - gifted from a close friend

As you can see, I didn't really splurge on anything except my mattress (and boy, let me tell ya, it was worth it!). It didn't come together all at once, but it came together quite beautifully, if I do say so myself.  It's my own little corner and I adore it. This is what dreams are made of.

P.S. I'll do a post on my living room another time.

10 Things I Love About My Internship

One thing is certain: when you're an intern, you have to work twice as hard to do everyone's grunt work in the office and still somehow manage to get valuable experience, make connections and contacts and get maximum exposure for your work. And let me tell ya, it ain't easy. I spend most of my days...dun dun dun...doing mailings. That means I'm tasked with packaging and mailing books to bloggers, TV and radio show hosts and the likes all across the country, in hopes that they will review said book on their blog/website/show. It isn't always easy, but I actually don't mind it that much. I'm just being dramatic.

And since my time at Simon & Schuster is drawing to a close at the end of this month, and it's nearly Thanksgiving, I figured it might be a good idea to think back on all the things I've loved about working there.

10. Everyone's door is always open. Literally. From the senior vice presidents to the senior publicists to the directors of marketing, not a single door is closed. That was the first thing I noticed on Day 1. And since I love to ask questions, I've continually taken advantage of this. It's a great way to meet people. And to learn.

9. I'm never counting down the hours (or minutes) until I get off. That's because they keep me busy. Remember how I mentioned mailings earlier? I've sent as many as 500 in a single day. And that's just for one book. Crazy, right? But in addition to those darn mailings, I'm also able to research trends in readership based on a certain author's audience and write press releases to send out to the media.

8. It's at Rockefeller Center! I know this has nothing to do with the work I do, but being at a great location boosts your morale, in a way. Plus, it adds to the cultural experience of living in NYC. If you aren't really sure what Rockefeller Center in all its grandeur is, check out the link I posted. When I don't pack my lunch (which should never, ever happen, given I'm on a strict budget), I venture down to the underground concourse and choose from a wide selection of restaurants. Outside my building, there are also great places to shop, like H&M and J.Crew. I try my best to stay in the building. Oh! And once I get on the train in the mornings, I don't even have to go back outside to get to work. I just take the escalator all the way. This especially comes in handy on super cold, rainy or snowy days. And I've experienced all of them in my short time here.

7. Speaking of Rockefeller Center, the discounts! Just by being an "employee" of Rockefeller Center, I was privy to early-bird discounted tickets to see...wait for it...THE RADIO CITY CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR! It really doesn't get much better than this. When I first saw the ads, I thought Dear Lord, please see to it that I am in the number to see those glorious Radio City Rockettes this Christmas season. Then I went online to view ticket prices and my mouth dropped: dream was too shattered. But won't the good Lord make way? He ain't nothing but the dag on truth. He may not come when you want Him, but golly He's right on time. And I thank Him.

6. My co-workers are awesome. I mainly work with a cool chick named Jill. She's just as preppy and chipper as I am, so we get along great. She used to work as a production assistant for CBS before she switched over to publishing and I've learned so much from her about what it's like working in both industries. And my other co-workers are equally amazing and accomplished in their fields. And they always thank me and tell me how much they appreciate my help. It's inspiring to hear stories about their careers and lives because someday when I have an intern, that will be me.

5. I'm able to learn a lot about the entire publishing process and not just the publicity aspect of. So much goes into writing and publishing a book from start to finish! You have no idea. And then to get it placed in exactly the right mediums is an art of its own.

4. Sometimes, I get to work on top-secret projects that I can't talk about because they haven't been revealed yet. Who wouldn't feel special with that kind of knowledge?

3. There's a "Brown Bag Lunch & Learn" every week. All the interns from across the company come together for lunch with full-time employees of the company. One week, my own boss, the publicity director for our imprint was a guest. Another week, a senior editor was. They are always open to the many questions we interns have and it's amazing to see how so many of them had no interest in book publishing, yet here they are.

2. FREE BOOKS! I debated whether this should be my number one reason, just because I love books so much. Books can take you to places near and far, past and present. I love that. And I love how I'm able to expand my mind and views on things like politics (currently reading 50 Things Liberals Love to Hate by Mike Gallagher) and cooking (just finished Angelina's Bachelor's: A Novel with Food by Brian O'Reilly) and even poverty (also read An Angry-Ass Black Woman by Karen E. Quinones Miller). And I don't have to beg for an endless supply of Barnes & Noble gift cards in order to do it.

1. I enjoy getting out of bed each morning to go to the office. That's what's most important, right? If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. As I set out to find a full-time job in the coming months, it is my hope that this feeling remains.

This place has truly been what dreams are made of and I am going to miss it so much.