How to be Beautiful

Being a beauty queen and all, I'm often asked for beauty secrets. The truth is: I don't have any. I believe in the democratization of beauty so I share what works for me freely. And when I say it works for me, I mean just that. The best way to find what works for you is to experiment with as many different products as your budget will permit. Subscription services like Birchbox and Glossybox are great resources for beauty experimenters. Both send you monthly samples of products you otherwise may never try. And the samples are always enough that you can use them several times so you know it really works. If you want to know what works for me, keep reading.

Miss Teen USA: The Bahamas

My friend, Olivia Fletcher (henceforth referred to as Livi), is competing for Miss Teen USA! Yeah, I know. I can't believe. I mean, I can, but you know. Anyway, so I flew down to the Bahamas with her and her sister Emily (Emmy). After arriving at the airport, Livi was treated like royalty, complete with a limo ride to her hotel. By default, Emmy and I got a ride, too. It was great. They carried all our heavy luggage--as gentlemen should--and basically waited on us hand and foot.

Emmy and I parted ways with Livi to go to our more affordable but still very nice hotel in a black SUV the airport provided. Pays to know important people, right? We knew she was in good hands because Miss Arkansas's Outstanding Teen and her mom were with her. We check in and get the key to our hotel room and with only slight exaggeration is it the most perfect room the good Lord could have made a way for us to have. I'm talking about the ocean being mere steps from our patio, which we noticed immediately upon entering.

We stayed only long enough to snap a few pics and freshen up, for on our first night, it just so happened to be BBQ Tuesday at our hotel. It was awesome! We ate pasta salad, hotdogs, ribs, chicken and apple pie...I'm sure we had some vegetables at some point...and did it all while sitting on the beach. Since we're in the Bahamas and all, I, of course, had to try the Bahama Mama. Emmy went for the Yellow Bird.

Back in our room, we decided that such a view could only mean one thing: we would let natural light wake us up the next morning. Before bed, we locked the sliding doors tight and left the curtains open. Then we chose breakfast items from a menu they had provided. Shortly after 8 the next morning, we feasted on chocolate chip pancakes, fresh fruit, breakfast potatoes and orange juice. Breakfast of champions.

Not long after we left the hotel to see what we could see in the neighborhood, we allowed a stranger to convince us to climb aboard an all-inclusive Booze & Cruise ship. He had us when he said, "Y'all aren't doing anything anyway." Actually, sir, we were just about to check out those lovely straw purchases, t-shirts and other souvenirs over yonder, but we'll skip that fine cultural experience for now if you insist.

So there we were, both feeling ever-so-slightly seasick aboard a booze cruise ship with strangers from across the globe. And boy, did we have a good time! While out to sea, we went snorkeling (my first time!), docked at a private beach with another booze cruise ship and even met some fellow Virginians aboard our own ship. Lunch included barbecue chicken, ribs, dirty rice, corn and unlimited drinks. And we danced the entire way back.

Back to the hotel, where we met up with Emmy's and Livi's parents who had just arrived in time to get changed for the meet-and-greet that night. I doubt there is any way for a group of teens to be cuter. They're so poised and fun. It just say the fish still had eyes and a tail and I could see his scales. That was totally new to me. And let's just say that it didn't set well with my stomach. But I did try cronch fritters for the first time and those were quite delectable.

Before we got to dinner, we were fish ourselves. We spent the entire morning and early afternoon on the beach and in the pool. Emmy and I kayaked with our friend, EmmaGrace Miss Roanoke Valley's Outstanding Preteen, who joined us here with her mom. We adults swam up to the swim-up bar to order drinks (how could we resist?) and we all participated in an aqua aerobics session. Later that night, we went back to the pool and were provided live entertainment from Juncanoo. We retired for the night soon after, but not before Emmy and I cut a mean rug in front of a live band. One of the singers even called us the Dancing Queens. And then they sang the song! I can't make this stuff up.

And the best part? We can only access iMessage and the Internet under the hotel lobby's wifi (you know, international rates and all) so we're forced to leave em behind on our daily escapades. Well, we bring em along to take the occasional picture, but you get my drift. Who knew I was vacationing with such incredible and fun people? We have stories for days, including riding in cars with men we just met  and compelling an Atlantis employee to buy a ticket in the row in front of us on finals night to cheer Livi on.

Tonight is Friday and the preliminary competition. I can't wait for the glam. Send positive vibes our way. We think we've got ourselves a winner!

Being in the Bahamas for Miss Teen USA and the adventure of a lifetime: that's what dreams are made of.

Life After

I wanted so badly to become Miss America. I spent five years competing at the local and state level because I have always felt my life is about making a difference in the lives of others. I wanted the Miss America platform to help me do it nationwide. Without a doubt, I know I would have made a great Miss America, but I didn't win a state title. Now, after "aging out," I never will. One of my deepest but unuttered fears was that this day would come and I would have to say that to myself. Here it is. And I'm ok. I am still alive and able to do great work in this world. I never needed a crown for that and I still don't.

So let me say this: it takes guts to compete for Miss Virginia and Miss New York. The process of self-awareness, growth and vulnerability that you endure as a contestant is quite unlike anything else I have ever experienced. And I loved every minute of it. It takes heart to walk into a room full of strangers waiting to fire a series of questions your way and be unequivocally you. You dodge controversial and loaded questions, sometimes with ease and grace, but sometimes you get stumped. Sometimes, you don't know the answer or can't think quickly enough on your feet. Sometimes your wit or humor doesn't come across as you planned. Sometimes even the very words that seemed to make sense in your brain roll off your tongue and even you don't know what they mean. But you remember that you are human and that's what happens to humans: we make mistakes.

But dreaming of becoming and competing for Miss America was not one. I wouldn't trade my experiences, self-growth or the lifelong friendships I made for anything in this world. I am who I am today because of the Miss America Organization, whether directly or indirectly. Only one young woman can win on a given night and whether my record in pageantry indicates it or not, I "won" more often than not. I am and will always be a winner.

My contentment has prepared me for what I call Life After. Until now, there has always been the possibility that someday I could be Miss America. There was also the possibility that someday I wouldn't. So I promised myself long ago that I would never put my life on hold or pass up incredible opportunities to win. Sure, I made sacrifices. I sacrificed my time more than anything and that's something I will never get back--the brunches, family get-togethers, Girls Nights and other events I missed. Looking back, it was worth it. And Lord willing, there will be more. My whole life is before me. I now never have to wonder What if? and that gives me more peace than you may imagine.

This fall, I will complete my master's degree at New York University. At this very moment I am taking a break from applying to full-time jobs to write this blog post. This summer has and I believe will continue to be my best yet. I have the best friends and family I could ever ask for. I have good health, a sound mind and an able body. In short, I am blessed. So here's to Life After. It's what dreams are made of.

Peace

Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman

Not long ago, a good friend of mine sent me a video and it really spoke to me as an unabashedly ambitious young woman who is grounded. And single. It begins, "So it seemed that it was cool for everyone to be in a relationship but me. So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him." Umm DING DING DING! Story of MY life, as well as the lives of just about every girlfriend of mine. I didn't know where this girl was going with her spoken word, but I knew I needed to heed whatever Word she was bringing forth straight from the Lord Himself, it seemed. And at the end, my soul was truly blessed.

You see, people often ask me why I'm single. How on earth should I know? is my first thought. Then I think back on my past relationships and the many guys who just weren't "ready" for me at the time. They wanted to put me on layaway, in a sense. I also think of the good guys I let slip through my fingers because...well, I don't really know why, honestly. I just know it happened somehow. Maybe it's because good girls like bad guys... In the end, I usually tell whoever is asking that I'm just too busy--which certainly isn't a lie if you know me--but we all know we women make time for men we care about no matter what. We are the greatest multi-taskers of all time, and that's why it frustrates us when people (men) say they don't have time for us.

But I think it's all about who we attract and how much "time of day," as my parents say, we give them. In the video, the artist says, "I called 911 but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting because it was me who let him in." She's so right! When we try to take a man and make him The One, we're the ones responsible, in the end. If we aren't open and honest about our wants, needs and boundaries up front, we have no one to blame but ourselves. But this doesn't have to be.

Many women I know say they already are or are striving to become Proverbs 31 women, but I see few taking the actions necessary to become one. I decided to do just that and I implore all women to do the same. I ordered "She is...Devotional," a book of 22 daily devotionals to help women of all ages become Proverbs 31 women. Each day begins, "She is..." One of my favorites is: "She is COMPASSION. She keeps her arms outstretched to those who need help." If that doesn't sound like the perfect woman, I don't know what does. And the best part is that each day comes complete with a prayer.

Being a Proverbs 31 woman is like being a lady or being intelligent or having confidence: it isn't spoken, it's exuded. She is imperturbable. She is fearless. She is clothed in royalty. She is humble.

For me, becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is what dreams are made of. So to my future husband, "I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31, waiting for you."

Check out the video below. It might change your life.

I Wish You Enough

When do I sleep, you ask? Well, I don't. I can sleep when I die. That brings me to my point of inspiration for this post...

I came across a shared photo on Facebook with a story about an ailing mother and her daughter saying goodbye to one another after a visit. As the mother was very ill, she figured that would be the last moment the two of them would spend together. They said to each other, "I wish you enough," which a stranger overheard. Later in the story, the stranger would ask the mother what that meant. The mother shared the following, which had been passed down from generation to generation in their family:

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. 

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

This was such an incredible passage. A friend of mine once told me he only eats until he is satisfied, at which point he has had enough. A lot of times in life, we want it all, we want it now, and as a result, we become greedy. Instead, we should wish for simply enough. After all, it is enough. Adequate, efficient. 

Why do we insist on having everything we can get our hands on, instead of what will suffice. Too much of anything is no good, they say. So why do we want it all? Why isn't enough enough? It should be. Starting today, I am striving for enough.

So I wish you enough. Because that's what dreams are made of.

It's About How You Make them Feel

In pageantry, they say when everything goes wrong you're going to win. Yet, still I had no idea I would be crowned Miss Bronx 2013 while sharing the stage with 14 other incredibly intelligent and talented young women Sunday night. Did I mention how beautiful they were? But, boy am I honored and excited for this journey to Miss New York and maybe even Miss America!

Mere seconds before walking into my interview, I was told that my paperwork was lost. You don't say, I thought. And How can I somehow make up for this? The paperwork sets up the interview and without it...I didn't even want to think about what could ensue. So I devised a plan. I walked in that room and introduced the elephant. "I know you don't have my paperwork or headshot, so you really had no concept of who I was or what I looked like until this very moment," I began, before they could utter a word. I felt it would be best to just come out with it. Otherwise, I'd risk being asked, "So tell us a little about yourself..." Bo-ring. Overdone. Seldom wows them.

"But how I look is the least of what's important in the Miss America Organization," I continued. "In this organization we are scholars, philanthropists, advocates. So what we say and do and what we give is far more important than how we look. But even those things you may forget. You will never forget how we made you feel, though. And that's what I want to do as Miss Bronx. I want to cater to each person's crave to feel important. I want to empower young people through their communication so that they will derive their self-worth off these things and not material things, like how they look..."

And that's what I learned this weekend: that I really can get through anything. My annoyingly consistent optimism really does pay off. In life, even the best laid plans don't work out exactly as you'd like them to. Things get lost, forgotten or simply changed. There is only so much that we can control. After that, we just have to let go and trust our instincts. Or trust Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That's what I believe.

This was the third local I competed in this season, after placing first runner up in the first and making the top ten in the second. I wanted so badly to win both of the previous times, but I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. We all are. Things happen the way they're supposed to and the sooner we realize that, the better. This isn't to say we won't suffer disappointments, because surely we will; but the reason we fall is so we can learn to pick ourselves back up. Ok, so I'm a Batman fan. You caught me. But the philosophy is brilliant, so I adopted it. And you should, too.

In pageantry, they say the pageant is won in the interview room. Of that I am not certain because this is my fourth local in the Miss America Organization, I've only won interview once and no preliminary interview award was announced at Miss Bronx. What I am certain of is I that achieved my goal. Apart from my impromptu opening statement (which is no longer an official planned portion of the interview these days), I was able to share my story with that panel, how I came to be who I am. And whether I had won the title or not, that's how I define my success: by how much of the real me I showcase in interview. And why would I want to be anyone else?

Because being Miss Bronx...that's what dreams are made of.

(P.S. I know it's been a while since I've posted and I need to update you on what else is going on in my life, so please stay tuned.)

Lost Generation

This video was showed in one of the last classes I took at George Mason and I seize every opportunity to share it. Without a doubt, you'll enjoy it. Not only that, but it will make you think. So think! And do.